Advent Thoughts pt 1

I am reminded, given my low spiritual state at the beginning of this Advent season

that this is precicely why Christ came to die for us - to turn our wayward passions

back to the Father and that he came for us even while we were steeped in the

darkness of our rebellion against him, to libarate us from ourselves and conquer us

for the purpose of building the Kingdom of God in the hearts and minds of people.

Subdue and sustain me, Lord Jesus. I am prone to fight for rights I don't have, and

spit in your face when you tell me of the rights I do have - a son by adoption,

unable to be rejected. Thank you for your faithfulness when I am often faithless.

Help me to grow in grace and never forget your voice, ways, and works. Amen.

Oh, Ark come down to kiss

A black and stony heart

One who was not can not prevail

Against one who ever was

The blood spilled

From the Mercy Seat

Flowed down the wooden etiphice

To tear the veil that first concealed

Your Word from us and so reveal

That truly you are Emanuel - God with Us

Yet you were not content to dwell

Within a tent in Israel

But set your mind on ruling thus

Within the hearts of each of us

That you would call your sheep and sons

Grace thus bestowed to everyone

Who calls and is called Your Name, so sweet

Oh Glorious Christ, our Mercy Seat!

They watched the world turn white,

With every nimble sprite exposed

Their deep wounds flowing in the light.

The daffodils quaked violently at the sight.

The chrysanthemums fainted ill with fright.

They watched the world turn white,

But it was not yet as poets should indite:

The hemorrhagic cysts misdiagnosed,

Their deep wounds flowing in the light.

They called on their Great Judge to indict

The physicians; feeling overexposed

They watched the world turn white

And fell to shining earth as damaged kites,

(The answer to the question that they posed)

Their deep wounds flowing in the light.

They confessed half for awe and half for fright,

But found full grace then reimposed.

They watched the world turn white,

Their deep wounds flowing in the light.

Stream of Consciousness 2

One of the more remarkable things that I have been noticing is the robustness of the Christian faith. Obviously, I believe that Christianity is true, but above simple faith, I have found, more and more often, it provides a much richer picture of the nature of the world, and of human nature. Harvard psychologist William James call this sort of faith a "working hypothesis", and argued that in order to be objective and reasonable it would best be described as something one might doubt, and thereby revise into a stronger, more workable hypothesis.

This isn't to say that simple faith isn't enough for the purposes of salvation; because the Gospel is understanding that you can't love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. . .and you can't love you're neighbor as much as you love yourself - making you a sinner - and turning to Jesus, who did everything you couldn't do, then was offered as a substitutionary atoning sacrifice for your sin - and was raised to life so that you could know you are forgiven, and God is not angry with you, and has adopted you as a child of God. He then comes to live with you and shows you his power by teaching you to love people and himself. This is the only true religion, and the furthest thing from religion, in the entire world.

Is also isn't to say that those who find themselves away from faith in whatever capacity can't find some sort of meaning and purpose in their lives. The Christian worldview accounts for both the corruption in people, in the account of the Fall, and the goodness that still periodicly shines through people - in that we were all made in the image of God. It gives us a purpose for existing - to know intimately the God that arranged our genes and sustains us daily, who fills the Earth with good things for us to eat, and learn, and explore and who demonstrates his lovingkindness on those who would spit in his face through both special revelation and common grace.

I do not believe, or at least, I have not found it to be true that Christianity can answer every question, but it does illumine every issue - even if at times, as Martin Luther often alludes to, we are covered by the "darkness of faith".

Christians have to be careful not to fall into the trap of knowing something with "absolute certainty" in order for it to be true or effectual. "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." - If you don't know something, ask. If there is no answer, passionately seek it. If you need life more abundant, knock until you break the door down and take it. Violent men take hold of the Kingdom of God.

Stream of Consciousness 1

Well, I'm tired of my own excuses to write. I'm tired of trying to make things sound perfect, so I'm just going to write, stream of consciousness style until my thought process stops. This is going to be rough around the edges and otherwise, but I've already said that. I'll go back later and plug in scripture references. So let's get started:

First, I'd like to say a word about the LGBT bullying thing that has been all over the media lately. Let me start by saying that I really, really despise the behavior of some Christians that seem to have their priorities out of whack. Those that would presume to speak of things like this as judgment from God on these people for their sin need to take the speck out of their own eyes before they call someone else out on the log that's in theirs.

Seriously. Kids are dying. If you take the gospel seriously, kids are dying without an understanding of a God that loves them as they are, without preconditions. At least from my reading of scripture, we are supposed to be the ones that champion the oppressed, pray for our enemies, and provide comfort to the downtrodden.

Do I think their behavior is sinful? Sure, but no more sinful than myself. No more sinful than anyone who wears cotton-wool blends, or who lusts after women with their eyes and thereby commits adultery, or one who lies, or steals, or calls his brother foolish making himself a murderer, or sleeps around.

A pre-conversion conversation on why they shouldn't do anything undermines the simple preaching of the gospel: Jesus Christ died for our sins and was raised for our justification. He lived his life in accordance with all the rules and regulations that we could not do ourselves (namely: Loving God with all our mind, soul, heart, and strength and loving our neighbor as ourselves - which is the whole Law of God), and proved himself worthy. Because of this, GOD IS NOT ANGRY WITH US and does not require us to do anything but get to know him. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF ALL OF THIS. Our ministry as Christians is nothing more than this. To introduce people to God as a person and have him teach us what we should do from then on. From there, everybody progresses differently and does the good works that have been assigned to us to do. If we add any more to the Gospel, we risk losing all of it.

All the theorizing, theology, apologetics, and application of the fact that Jesus sets people free from a self-serving bondage comes after they come. Before that, we should refrain, if at all possible, from condemning anyone who has not professed Christ, and gently correct those who continue to sin even if they do profess, and allow the preaching of the Gospel of Grace to work in people.

My apologies and arguments serve to perhaps break down barriers for people and show them that the Gospel is reasonable, but my arguments do not change people. God does.

Everyone has sinned against their own conscience and been a hypocrite.

Both believers and nonbelievers tend to use happenings like this to funnel everyone who professes anything other than what they believe as foolish, shortsighted, and destructive in their behavior or ideology need to consider their own views and what they think about people in general. Typecasting is dangerous in most of these situations. Also, a misunderstanding of how someone arrives at a given conclusion is almost a given. Christians put the cart before the horse by saying someone should do something (or stop doing something, or stop/start being a certain way) without having the motivation/reason/ability to do or not do that particular thing. Nonbelievers catch them in the act and never cease to condemn them for it - which undermines their espousal of some sort of universal altruism and highlights their egoism; and it often continues even when a believer changes their views on a subject or starts acting in line with how they are supposed to act in the first place.

Showing grace to people we don't agree with is hard for everyone, theist and atheist alike.

There is a place for meaningful discussion. There is a place for rancor - but it should be reserved for the actions and not the actors. Easier said than done. Truth should be celebrated where it is found. And we need to get practical in how we deal with people. Easier said than done.

So let's just lay it out there: People push everything on everybody all the time. Some people hate the ideas that are being pushed. Some people believe the ideas that are pushed around. Some people reject those ideas and push new ones. Some people refuse to speak of other ideas. Some people disregard all ideas. Some people theorize on what ideas could mean and their implications.

I'm glad we live in a place where all ideas can be shared, and weighed. There will always be wrong conclusions, bigots, idolaters, and self-centered people who think they are always right and have everything figured out. Sometimes this includes me.

Truth prevails.

Problem of Grace

If anyone makes the assistance of grace depend on the humility or obedience of man and does not agree that it is a gift of grace itself that we are obedient and humble, he contradicts the Apostle who says, "What have you that you did not receive?" (1 Cor. 4:7), and, "But by the grace of God I am what I am" (1 Cor. 15:10). If anyone affirms that we can form any right opinion or make any right choice which relates to the salvation of eternal life, or that we can be saved by assent to the preaching of the gospel through our natural powers without the effectual work of the Holy Spirit, who makes all whom He calls gladly and willingly assent to and believe in the truth, he is led astray from the plain teaching of Scripture by exalting the natural ability of man, and does not understand the voice of God who says in the Gospel, "For apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5), and the word of the Apostle, "Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God" (2 Cor. 3:5).

Adapted from The Council of Orange (529 AD)

I would almost say that the problem of grace is more of a problem to those within Christianity than the problem of evil. The very act of God that enables our belief, assures our sanctification, and commands our obedience is also the very thing that is so hard to stomach. This is largely because of pride, combined with a distortion of the image of God in us. We want to assume that our agency enables us to follow the commands of God, and thereby lay hold of our salvation through our own merits. This often leads to a checklist-and-penance mentality: the more good things we do for God, the better off we are with him and if we're not doing things right now. . .it'll be okay because we're going to do even better things to make up for what we're not doing. The problem is with action, and who exactly is acting.

Action is a sticky subject, and hard to break down because it looks different in the Christian life. It is my firm belief that the doctrine of grace does not permit inaction on the part of the believer, but enables the believer to act. This action, however, in its strictest sense, does not come naturally from the person himself, but only from Christ, who being the "Author and perfecter of our faith" (Heb 12:2) assures that we will be like him (1 John 3:2; Romans 6:5). It is God, not man, who is always working (John 5:17). Through our union with Christ, we partake in the divine work, without ultimately doing anything. Grace leads us to our work: reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18), and loving one another (John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:11-12). This is as great of an apologetic as has ever been conceived.

Accepting this grace is the start. It is sufficient to work in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9) and help us bear our afflictions. It enables us to enter into the place of rest (Heb 4) and gives us assurance that his yoke is light (Matthew 11:30), and his burden easy.

Thinking; not thinking

In thinking about my spiritual state lately, I've come to the conclusion my affections for spiritual things tend to get choked out by dwelling on things I don't often think about. It sounds rather ridiculous, but after a much needed weekend with my wife showed me, I've got some strange issues lurking around in the back of my head (like everyone else! ^_^).

I talked about how I don't often think about the past, and how it bothers me. There are other things that I think about how I don't think about them, but this is the main one. I think about this so much because I want to try and find the root of my lack of focus, but it ultimately becomes part of my lack of focus. It does make for decent poetry, and gives me fits of inspiration, but other than that, it's pretty pointless to think about why you don't often think about something too much.

Ugh. Just typing that sentence is annoying.

Anyway, the point of all this is all of this thinking keeps me from doing things I like to do or I say I want to do. I'm trying to find the button to turn it off, but it just makes it worse. This especially applies to spiritual things (like reading, prayer, talking with my wife), and other things (how people react to me, ect.).

This isn't something I have a ready answer to, so I'm not going to post a million proof texts about how I should be doing something else. I'm trying to work through it, be patient when God is silent, and try various things to break the cycle. Hopefully, a new job will be a part of this.

An E&E statement on Col 3:1-4

^_^ This is more of a placeholder until I get my next real post.

"No one longs for eternal, incorruptible, immortal life unless he is wearied of this temporal, corruptible, mortal life." - Augustine

In the earlier part of this epistle, Paul describes the privileges that we have found in Christ Jesus after we have been freed from the ceremonial law. Now, however, he fleshes out how we are to use that freedom, and how we are to live as "adopted sons". We are not free to do what we wish, but rather "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. (3:1)" So, because of these freedoms, we must strive for obedience in all things; having a proper mindset is crucial to our success in this endeavor. We are not of this world, and as we are strangers to it, setting our minds on things above, and not setting them on the things of earth (3:2) are appropriate for those who have "risen with Christ" being justified and sanctified, and having received the promise through his resurrection of our own glorification. If we are able to do these things through the power of his Spirit, we have assurance of our future glory in Christ Jesus: "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (3:3)". We have been crucified with Christ because we are those who were predestined to be conformed to his image. In this, we are dead to every sort of evil thing, vice, sin, and this world. Because of this, we do not set our affections on these things, but preach only the Crucified Christ who takes away our sin and sits at the right hand of the Father, where he as returned to prepare a place for us, that we might be where he is and that because he lives, we will live also. So, "When Christ who is your life appears. then you will appear with him in glory. (3:4)" This inescapable glory is ours in Christ, who will make our joy complete, our faith in his invisible qualities and divine power - he will show us fully with his second coming. Because he has satisfied the wrath of God, we can hope in our reward being made full.

Toys

"If Bible teachers could only remember that the 'holy men spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost' and gave us divinely inspired truth, and never for one remote moment meant to give us anything to satisfy our intellectual curiosity, they would realize that the prophets meant to give us truth to transform spirit and soul and bring us into holy living and holy believing. They never intended that we should have theological baby rattles to entertain ourselves."
- A.W. Tozer, Living As a Christian: Teachings from First Peter, p.32

This is something that I have had to struggle with for almost as long as I started to learn about God, the Bible, Christ, and any other theological thing. When I first became a "Christian," I had very little discipleship and as such my mind was left to ponder the deep things of God in a vacuum. Probably the largest errors in my early Christian life was regarding the doctrines of grace, and the Lordship of Christ.

Even while I openly professed Christ as Lord, I was basically practicing antinomianism - a distortion of Biblical Grace that allowed me to continue in my sins so long as I "rededicated" myself at some point when the guilt became too unbearable. Then, I would seek to pay penance and make empty promises about "never doing that again" to prove my commitment to someone that, in all honesty, I never wanted to exist in the first place (and I certainly wasn't living like God was real). I would ask questions like: "Is sin really harmful if it doesn't affect anything? I mean, it's not like God has struck me dead for doing anything. Does that undermine God's justice or does God just have a different sense of justice?" I was in the realm of practical atheism (and had I just admitted it, I don't think my life would have been so conflicted), but I kept pursuing theological things. After I met Jesus five years later, I came to understand that I hadn't really known anything at all.

Let me be honest: There is a large part of me that does not want anything I believe in to be true. It's because I have an internal "victim's mentality"and I try to blame my shortcomings and my doubts on everybody else. "Oh that I hadn't grown up in an Armenian family - then I wouldn't have to struggle with total depravity, limited atonement, and perseverance of the saints (doctrines which I believe to be true)." "Oh that I had been born blind, so that I wouldn't be tempted by my eyes." "Oh that I didn't have such little faith; I could have shown the world God's power by moving mountains or calling bears out to devour those who would insult me!"

Of course, when you boil it down, I'm just blaming God for things that are his right to give and not give. This plays into my learning and teaching because I often don't want the Bible to encourage holy living - I want to do whatever I desire, chalk it up to implulse/evolution/upbringing/ect. and deny that God has the power to change anything --- All while still being a force for good and doing "God's Work" in this world. My early dabblings in theology allowed me to pervert Grace into License , making "take up your cross and follow me" optional. I used the scriptures as toys and instead of letting the law of God encourage holy living, and allowing the grace that God has shown me "bring shalom" to me and give me strength against my accusers.

I have to work at this daily, as my cynical nature doesn't allow me to have blind faith.

Brief thoughts on the IRFA

This recent article on CNN.com highlights a general problem that a majority of the world's population faces: lack of religious freedom. The article in and of itself isn't all that groundbreaking. It merely reports on a common problem. The interesting part is that the organization behind the study, the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom (or USCIRF), was created by the government after it passed the International Religious Freedom Act of 1998.

Reading about the IRF Act, I understand the concept of the United States promoting religious tolerance and freedom- it is, after all, in line with the Constitution of the United States and it is something that we have enjoyed in America since the Puritans left England. Ideally, this plan of action would lead to more freedom of expression and ideas could be shared and people could be respected.

The practice of said legislation, however, ends up being pure lip service. While the Act allows for sanctions to be made against countries who refuse to "level the playing field" so to speak- and even creates lists of countries that are top offenders- sanctions on the truly egregious offenders are rarely taken. Why?

Money.

China and Saudi Arabia, both notorious religious persecutors are simply ignored. After all, when you import 958,000 barrels of oil into the U.S. everyday (like Saudi Arabia), or when you're the second largest trading partner the U.S. has (i.e. China) - ideals seem to fade in the blinding glow of the dollar.

I'm not one to think that the "American Way" means the best way (or that it means 'God's Way', but that's another blog post), however if this was something that the people of this nation considered important enough to pass into law then two things need to happen:
1) Admit that the report by the USCIRF is correct .
2) Be willing to take a harder stance on those who persecute peaceful religious expression, even if it adversely affects the United States and her allies.
3) Remind countries that receive such sanctions that they are in clear violation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and subsequently bar them from the United Nations.

If these things can't be done, why not repeal the bill and simply leave the ideal in the hearts and minds of people instead of committing it to legally binding paper (even though its already there in kernel form in the First Amendment) ? Doing so would eliminate a redundant program and save taxpayers money.

"The true way to Christianity is, first, to acknowledge that we are sinners according to the law and that it is impossible for us to do anything good. Therefore, you cannot earn grace by what you do; if you try, you double your offense, since you are a bad tree, you can only produce bad fruit - that is, sins (see Matthew 7:17; Romans 14:23). Anyone who wants to merit grace by works before having faith is trying to please God with sins, which is nothing but heaping sin upon sin and mocking God and provoking his wrath. When a person is taught this by the law, he is terrified and humbled and sees the magnitude of his sin and cannot find in himself one spark of the love of God. Therefore, he confesses that he is guilty of death and eternal damnation. The first part of Christianity, then, is the preaching of repentance and self-knowledge.

The second part is this: if you want to be saved, you must not seek salvation through works. God has sent his one and only Son into the world, that we might live through him. He was crucified and died for you and bore your sins in his own body. God has revealed to us by his Word that he will be a merciful Father to us, and without our deserving it (since we can deserve nothing good) he will freely give us remission of sins, righteousness, and everlasting life for the sake of Christ his Son. God gives his gifts freely to everybody, and that is the praise and glory of his divinity. Those who will not receive grace and everlasting life from him freely but want to earn them by their own actions would in this way utterly remove the glory of his divinity. Therefore, so that he may maintain and defend this glory, he is obliged to send his law, like lightning and thunder from heaven, to bruise and break those hard rocks.

This briefly is our doctrine concerning Christian righteousness. Faith justifies because it takes hold of the treasure of Christ's presence. But this presence cannot be comprehended by us because we are in darkness. Therefore, where there is an assured trust of the heart, Christ is present, even in the cloud and obscurity of faith. And this is true formal righteousness, by which a person is justified. Rather than love adorning faith, it is Christ who adorns faith - or rather, he is the true form and perfection of faith. Therefore, Christ, seized by faith and living in the heart, is the true Christian righteousness, for which God counts us righteous and gives us eternal life. This is no work of the law but a quite different sort of righteousness and a certain new world beyond and above the law, for Christ or faith is not the law, nor the work of the law.

True Christianity is, first, being taught by the law to know ourselves and thus learning to say with Paul that "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" (Romans 3:23; see also Psalms 14:3; 51:4; 53:3). When we are humbled by the law and brought to self knowledge, true repentance follows (for true repentance begins with the fear and judgment of God), and we see ourselves to be such great sinners that we find no way to be delivered from sins by our own strength, works, or merits. Then we see what Paul means when he says that man is "sold as a slave to sin" (Romans 7:14) and that "God has bound all men over to disobedience" (Romans 11:32) and that the whole world is guilty before God (Romans 3:19).

Then we begin to sigh and ask who can help us. When we are terrified by the law like this, we utterly despair of our own strength; we look around for the help of a mediator and savior. This is the time for the healing word of the Gospel: "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven" (Matthew 9:2). Believe in Christ Jesus crucified for you sins. If you feel your sins and the burden of them, do not look upon them in yourself, but remember that they have been transferred and laid on Christ, whose wounds have healed you (Isaiah 53:5).

This is the beginning of heath and salvation. By this means we are delivered from sin, justified, and made inheritors of everlasting life, not because of what we have done to deserve it, but through faith, by which we lay hold of Christ. Therefore, we also acknowledge a quality and a formal righteousness of the heart - not love, but faith, yet such that the heart must see and hold nothing but Christ the Savior.

Christ, truly defined, is no lawgiver but a forgiver of sins and a Savior. He might have paid for all the sins of the world with just one drop of his blood; but now he has shed it plentifully and has satisfied our need abundantly (see Hebrews 9:12; Romans 3-4). It is therefore important to lay hold of Christ by faith, since he bore the sins of the world. Only such faith is counted as righteousness. "

- Martin Luther, Commentary on the Book of Galatians

Worth Doing

I had a rather rare night at work where I was reminded of something that I think I often neglect. Namely my position as a working man, and what my attitude should be regarding it. In the sixth chapter of The Incomparable Christ, J. Oswald Sanders says:

"It is a challenging thought, and one that should be closely observed by those who are preparing for a life of service for God, that our divine Lord spent six times as long working at the carpenter's bench as he did in his world-shaping ministry. He did not shrink the hidden years of preparation."

From Jesus' example, he goes on to draw a few conclusions. First, it showed that Jesus identified with common, working class people, a fact that would continue to play out in preaching the Gospel of the Kingdom of God. Christ also worked hard as an example of how we should labor for the Father's glory. He drew on his experience from his earthly occupation in his ministry. His mentioning of the "easy yoke" was a possible reflection on this. Finally, he used this time of earthly training to build up stamina for his later ministry. From we have recorded in the gospels, he traveled at least 2500 miles on foot over three years, not counting the mental and spiritual strain. His long hours as a carpenter prepared him for what came next.

As far as my own work goes, last night I was reminded that I have an opportunity to minister to people in subtle ways. There was a lady and her husband who live in the independent units on the campus of the assisted living facility I work for. She is very weak after battling cancer for many years and he is too frail to help her up. I got to bring comfort by helping her to bed twice in one night. She cried each time, and hugged me close while her husband just smiled and said "She just wants a little loving, you know?" Now, my job isn't rocket science. It's not overly hard (other than being away from my wife two/three nights a week), but it does get rather monotonous. It more of a mental battle to stay away and diligent. Sometimes it's easy to forget Colossians 3:17 : that in "whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

I want to be more grateful for the things I take for granted. Hopefully, this is a good first step.

The Rationality of God

Weather or not you consider yourself religious or nonreligious, regardless of your worldview, you seek truth; you affirm and reject things based on various presuppositions, facts, notions, ideas, ect. The most foundational question one can ask oneself is "Does God exist?". Regardless of how one answers this question, there is another that follows it: "Is my conclusion on this matter rational?" How you answer this question, and what methods you use to ultimately arrive at your answer, if taken seriously, shapes how you view the world, interact with people, and how you live your life.

Many people believe in what is called classical foundationalism. This is the belief that everything must be based on sensory experience or self-evident truths. This leads to eventialism, which is probably best summized by a quote from English mathematician and philosopher William K. Clifford from his essay The Ethics of Belief:

"It is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon insufficient evidence."

There is certainly a lot to be unpacked from that statement, but a more formal way of wording this argument as it applies to belief in god looks like this:

(1) Belief in God is rational only if there is sufficient evidence for the existence of God.

(2) There is not sufficient evidence for the existence of God.

(3) Therefore, belief in God is irrational.

Now, as this is a valid argument, the theist has a few options. Either the theist accepts what is said as true and either a) forsakes belief in God. or b) admits the belief is irrational and continues believing anyway; or the theist works to refute one of the premises and show it to be an invalid argument.

A large number of Christians, especially evangelicals, tend to argue against the second premise. They point to things such as the universe existing in the first place (the Cosmological Argument), the universe showing signs of intelligent design (the Teleological Argument), the concept of morality (Moral Argument), or the fact that we can conceive of God in the first place (the Ontological Argument). While these arguments are valuable, they are also easy to dispute. Random chance with an assumption of eternal matter takes the place of the Cosmological argument. Macro-Evolution takes the place of the Teleological and Moral arguments. The Ontological Argument is often written off as bad grammar.

The second way of refuting this argument, called Reformed Epistemology, attacks the second premise. It makes belief in God foundational, that is, it says that belief in God is rational without the support of evidence or argument. Some of the grounds for this are as follows:

Demand for "sufficient evidence" can't be met consistently. That is, many things that people consider to be completely rational do not have a shred of evidence attached to them. Try proving the existence of other people, or that yesterday happened. No one can prove these things, yet it is perfectly rational to know that these things will happen. So belief in God is more akin to belief in other people, rather than belief in an scientific equation. Secondly, as it is rational to trust in what other people tell us, in the belief of the past, ect. so it is rational to belief that we are rational if these experiences produce in us belief in God. (This is what Calvin called the sensus divinitatus, or "sense of the divine".)

In wrapping this up, I think it is important to examine and question one's belief. Understanding what you believe and why you believe it are essential regardless of one's worldview. Doubting your faith, or having a theistic argument make sense to you (for the atheist), does not mean that one should instantly tear down everything you believe in. People have good reasons for belief as well as disbelief. As long as healthy dialogue and intellectual honesty is maintained, truth will prevail. As a theist, I find that reformed epistemology works well in explaining my conversion and it helps me in retaining my faith. "Believing so that I may understand", I continue in spite of my doubt.

Links to lots of things that cover what I talked about in much, much greater detail:

Without Evidence or Argument: A Defense of Reformed Epistemology
Religious Epistemology (The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
Philosophy of Religion
The Ethics of Belief by William K. Clifford
The Knowledge of God the Creator by John Calvin (Institutes, book I)

Pride Comes Before

As the apartment fills with the smells of simple Japanese cooking, I'm feeling a little depressed. Ever since Megan and I traveled to Kyoto last March, we've been aching to go back. I'm still under the strong impression that we will go back to Japan eventually, possibly for a long term assignment, but the in-betweens are hard. It's been a few months since I've graduated and I've had to confess that I've felt comfortable in my role as a house husband. I'm not very good at it either. It's been a real struggle to find motivation to do anything - which has always been my number one flaw - but this time it feels different. It feels like active denial. Like warfare.

I'm not one to see a demon behind every bush. In fact, I'll admit that 99% of the time, I don't think that Satan has to do anything to us directly to get us exactly where he wants us. The heart of man is born wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and so starts the T(otal Depravity) of the TULIP of reformed thought. But, Satan is looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and most often he gets me when I feel my strongest. This is probably why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:12 " Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. " More often than not, I start to make a little headway in learning to lean on grace and before I know it, I've slipped back into sin, starting with the aforementioned pride.

Thankfully, I know that because Christ died for sinners (Romans 5:8), my sins are taken care of. Seeking active repentance and being turned away from the old ways are point number one when learning to "walk in it" (2 John 1:6). I'm still learning and I need help. One day at a time, I know that I'm being conformed to Christ's image ( Romans 8:29). . .but that he doesn't always work on my timetable.

So I'll have to wait and rest, and lean on some stronger brothers.

Unedited Thoughts and Progressive Arguments

First a quick update. I've started serious reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto to the Church in Exile, but I'm going to have to do some research in order to understand Rob Bell and Dan Golden's argument as the theological position they espouse, the New Exodus position, I am not familiar with. I don't want to butcher their arguments so I'm going to work on that this weekend.

Now, however, I want to post something I wrote last night. As you may or may not be aware, I work night shift security and I get lots of time to think about things. I'm just going to post some unedited thoughts. It started out sort of poetical, but ended up in a different place. There's a lot to unpack and I'd like comments if possible.

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Everyone has moments where thought
Becomes impossible, impotent, improbable
And a threshold that, when crossed,
Forces their ego to escape, id to escape,
Superego to shrivel, wither, diminish

Self is for naught
If it's about "becoming"
Rather than Being (Not that we experience it in that pure way)
We look to squeeze blood from a stone
The water of becoming from the rock of being
And in the process, we fail to see progress
Because their is none
And no other way things could be.

To some, this is the wellspring of hope
To others, damnation

God exists in the Ever-Now, timeless.
"It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we."

Perhaps we experience "change" on this side of time because we are soaking it in, imbibing it.



What we are is already fixed and now we simply realize how it is we are made: for holy use or common. If God is the God of the Living, not the dead: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob live - hidden with Christ in God with all the elect - a process we experience in time as sanctification. It's a finished process; God creates at the beginning and triumphs at the end. "Christ will be in agony until the end of the world."; world without end, Amen.

This is too heavy for complete disclosure.

I think about these things when I desire to see change in my life and it has not come. I believe it will come because of the promise. Credo ut intelligam. So even in my doubt, I do not stop believing.

Praise be to God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ who resurrects us from the dead and puts flesh on dry bones that then dare to dance! May all flesh come to fear and know him!
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A Note on Bazan

Anyone who knows me knows I have an affinity for slightly depressing music. I've been a fan of Pedro the Lion since I first came to know about them. The lead singer, David Bazan, always struck me as extraordinarily honest in his struggles with his Evangelical upbringing. As someone who came from a similar background, it was comforting to find someone that sometimes wavered between steadfast faith, apathy, and apostasy. From the overtly Christian It's Hard to Find a Friend, to questioning all forms of relationships on the soul-crushing Control, to the more nuanced Pedro the Lion's Achilles Heel - whenever I wanted a bitter dose of reality, or when I wanted to think more about the relationship between my faith, reason, and how it affects my relationships, I always listened to Pedro.

After their demise, Bazan went solo and while I enjoyed his work with Headphones, I started to see a darker trend in his lyrics. With his solo EP Fewer Moving Parts, I thought the situation mostly absolved, but something felt different. In a few discussions with friends who checked out his newest album Curse Your Branches, I realized, probably for the first time that Bazan had abandoned the faith almost entirely. This latest album is harsh and cynical - but in a much more overt way than previous projects at least to my ears. However, I understand that this is simply the logical conclusion once a person of faith finally manages, for whatever reason or in whatever way, to undermine the very foundation of their convictions. I realized that we had reached two different conclusions. The lynchpin, as it seems often the case, is the traditional problem of evil.

I'm not going to attempt to solve the problem of evil in this post, however, for the sake of clarity, I will say that I do understand the problem of evil to be a real problem. It's logically valid, if the given premises are true. I find a few of the premises to be questionable (and therefore, my faith to be logically true), but it isn't something I take lightly. It's still there. It's stolen former friends away from the faith because they could not hold faith and wrestle with the problem of evil or because they bought into (and perhaps misapplied) the philosophy of Descartes, scrapped their entire worldview, and attempted to build it back up from scratch with themselves at the center (leaving out God completely, as some of Descartes later critics would).

I'm still watching Bazan, albeit from a distance now. I have always loved his honesty, and I even continued to support him after the rather infamous moment where he showed up to the Cornerstone Festival drunk with a full jug of vodka on stage. I'm not naive enough to spin his new lyrics into anything else than they are: a call to question one's beliefs and recaps of fairly harsh life stories. I have no problem with either, but it does give one pause to think about how people reach different conclusions with similar backgrounds. I'd wager Bazan and myself would come to different conclusions on that as well.

In any case, I do still recommend any and all of Pedro the Lion's body of work. It's best when enjoyed with a strong beer or something stronger - in moderation, of course.

Part 2

Before I move on to blog my way through Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell, I thought I would finish up a few thoughts that I had left over from my previous post. This is pretty direct and will probably be a reoccurring theme as I read more emergent leaders writings. On a side note, I found myself intrigued by some of the arguments made in Jesus for President- particularly not being slaves to a media culture and seeking out the "cultural relevance" of the church for its own sake. This, I believe, puts them at odds with lots of people both traditional evangelicals, emergent church leaders, and even some atheists that demand that we "change or die".

Without further ado. . .
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Those who cannot reconcile the image of the crucified Christ with that of the sword bearer that divides - those unwilling or unable to see and embrace the apparent contradictions must examine the full text to get a full picture of the God we serve. War and peace, wrath and love, the death of Death, and the union between God and Man are all central to the faith Christians hold in common. Those unwilling to do this find themselves alienated, and without correction will not come to fully understand the true depth, breath, length, and width that the Cross of Christ communicates to this defiled world. In the cross, Christ, our fully human, fully God, gave himself as a propitiation for us, making atonement for the sins of those who would come to believe in him. God is not angry with us. His wrath has been satisfied and Christians are saved from that wrath, not into comfort or safety, but into good works by the power of the Holy Spirit. If he had not done this, we would not be able to approach a God who, because of his holiness, would have consumed us as straw thrown into a fire. Not only does he save us from the wrath of God, but Jesus is raised from the dead for our justification: All authority is given to him and he intercedes for the sins of his elect and for the exaltation of the Church universal. This Church would divide the world, and sunder it with the message of Revolution and Redemption - separating the sheep of his flock from the goats, uniting the profane with the holy by justifying his enemies, walking two miles and heaping hot coals on their emeies heads in perfect love, and hardening (not softening) the hearts of the establishment with God's perfect symbol of Grace and Wrath and Redemption - The Cross of Christ; this the basis of faith, the catalyst of hope, and the foundation of all true community.