Pride Comes Before

As the apartment fills with the smells of simple Japanese cooking, I'm feeling a little depressed. Ever since Megan and I traveled to Kyoto last March, we've been aching to go back. I'm still under the strong impression that we will go back to Japan eventually, possibly for a long term assignment, but the in-betweens are hard. It's been a few months since I've graduated and I've had to confess that I've felt comfortable in my role as a house husband. I'm not very good at it either. It's been a real struggle to find motivation to do anything - which has always been my number one flaw - but this time it feels different. It feels like active denial. Like warfare.

I'm not one to see a demon behind every bush. In fact, I'll admit that 99% of the time, I don't think that Satan has to do anything to us directly to get us exactly where he wants us. The heart of man is born wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and so starts the T(otal Depravity) of the TULIP of reformed thought. But, Satan is looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and most often he gets me when I feel my strongest. This is probably why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:12 " Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. " More often than not, I start to make a little headway in learning to lean on grace and before I know it, I've slipped back into sin, starting with the aforementioned pride.

Thankfully, I know that because Christ died for sinners (Romans 5:8), my sins are taken care of. Seeking active repentance and being turned away from the old ways are point number one when learning to "walk in it" (2 John 1:6). I'm still learning and I need help. One day at a time, I know that I'm being conformed to Christ's image ( Romans 8:29). . .but that he doesn't always work on my timetable.

So I'll have to wait and rest, and lean on some stronger brothers.